Dowry is a dowry is a dowry is a dowry.

No I did not read the article on today's Hindu, or The Hindu. I was never one to read newspapers. (pauses for gasp). Well, it takes all sorts to make this world!! Fine. Sue me. But if you find another soul who diligently reads every single letter on the "kappalandi pothinju konduvanna kadalaasu", I will eat three gulab jamuns.(Am on a new diet.)

But I did read the headline, something about how dowry is not abolished, that it has just changed forms. I thought it was very important to post on the blog, my blog, that noone ever reads, except perhaps those who accidently stumble upon it due to creative search phrases...er..I meant, post on this blog my views on the topic.

This is not a critical view of the system prelevant in India. Infact am ignoring the masses who actually face the problem of dowry and concentrate on lives of people like me. heck, am going to concentrate on me.

As  happens to single, unemployed plain looking fat girls, I am also tortured into, blackmailed into(emotionally) a marriage, given I give the impression of being this absolutely useful PhD wannabe who doesn't know what she wants. My profile is on Kerala matrimony, and I must say, given all this, it is quite fun womakoing grooms with your mom. Prospective grooms, that is.

What is dowry? or rather, What is not dowry? Dowry, if we are talking about the kind they all are screaming to abolish is different from the unnamed phenomenon which happens in families in a subtle manner in only one aspect. The absence of a whimpering father and a weeping mother at the wedding stage. In due course of time, dowry will be taken and dowry will be given, only it will be under a different name, or no name.

Now. We have to present the girl decently for her wedding right? I mean, she is so and so's grand daughter, she can't appear in public without a decent amount of jewellery! No No it is not dowry, we are giving it to her wonly! Our lil baby! Daddy's precious girl! Arey it is a custom almost a religious ceremony to send off the bride in a new car! What bhaisaab how is it dowry! She will be driving it no! Ah first visit to the daughter's house! Call a lorry, buy Ann's bakery, load the stuff into it!" what are you saying, it is my daughter's sister in law's brother's littly baby! we gotta get those tiny little anklets,how can we visit empty handed! Aah, it is jamaiji's pitaji's 60th birthday! Golden ring, nothing else will do. Flat's downpayment is 80 lakhs. Surely you can count on us molu!

Well, either pay it all at one go, or pay in installments. If you have a child, a girl child, then by Indian standards, you have to pay dowry.

It is a subtle concept, so subtle and interwoven into conduct and tradition that it is actually glorified, and the evil is deeprooted, it is futile to think of uprooting it. I used to argue that, well, the groom's family is equally responsible for the above mentioned expenses. But is that so? I am not sure.

Is it actually necessary, the way Indian parents are tied up to their children for life? Well, what do I know of the practices in other countries? With my thorough knowledge on sitcoms and relatively rich experience in watching a lot of movies, I do believe I am eligible to comment on the western culture. Don't they ..hmm how else to put this- let go their children after a certain age? The lives becomes separated, not interwined. They help each other, not depend on each other and continue to suck the resources out. (harsh, you think?)

Dowry is not something that can be abolished. It is there, it is a part of our social structure that a complete radical change in the entire system is necessary for it to disappear. Maybe when we become parents, we will value our freedom and respect our children's as well, maybe we will succeed in abolishing it.

Until then, I'll rather opt out of a costly MBA, and settle for a second hand car, to be compensated for in my wedding.

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New Year coming up!!!! Although my new year is so totally ruined with exams, I am looking forward to it , Because it is special for me,in my own eccentric way. or I believe so. This had been the longest most significant year of my life. Oh yeah,It was really really really really really long. A year that made me wait.

Waiting for the exams to get over, waiting for the results to come, waiting for the time to pass so that I can finally feel everything will turn out ok, waiting anxiously to hear my name being called out during the admission process, waiting for college to open, waiting for a birthday to wish someone, waiting for a call, waiting for a blog post,waiting for the night to end,waiting for the tears to dry up, waiting for the nurse to dress up the wounds, waiting for the class to get over so that i can run out ,go to a lone place and scream out loud.

Significant year, a year that showed me how strong I am, how stupid I can be, A year that taught me a lot of things.

That life moves on.

That there is nothing a good night's sleep after a heavy dinner can't solve.

That forever is indeed a very short time.

That friends can hurt you, and hurt you where it hurts the most, hurt you and still,sleep a peaceful sleep.

That walking and talking can be injurious to health.

That the greatest knowledge in life is to know what you want.

That ignorance is bliss

That things change,people change,and there are perverts who can read this and smile.

That courage is all about doing what you think will kill you, but do it anyway.

That malayalam film industry may not be lost afterall.

That people  everywhere are  the same.

That no matter what they have done, family is family.

That somethings can never be forgiven, but still, are better forgotten.

That salt is an important ingredient in dishes and doing a jiggy while holding hot chorukalam isnt a good idea,at all.

And this is, but A year in which I lost two of the most important people in my life.K and FS. Wish you would come back, but as we three know, nothing will be the same ever. Kudos to the smiles we brought upon each other's lives, forget the tears, and be happy, wherever you are.:)

And tada. am I glad this year is over!! And looking at the things I've learned, i think I passed out the trials with flying colours. (kaakka para para para,poocha no para para para!)  Toughest exam, proudest moment.Pappu aakhir pas  ho hi  gaya!!(gayi,gaye,what??)

Wishing all my readers-bugsy,blunty, gymnast,kochu,destiny's child,and the new reader,nitin- A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!(malapadakkam!)