up,close and personal!

dearest santa,

long time no see huh?? er..i meant, we haven't had much of a communication via post for some years now,right?? don't blame me... we did have some serious issues regarding the things i last asked you for ...one whole year i had been good, all for nothing..tch tch...

i had inside info from the elf gang about the numerous letters you got around that time blaming me for everything that went wrong in that year of 1998. it was all a goddamn conspiracy,of course, i couldn't have possibly be responsible for everything,right? (crap.hu am i kidding?)

anyways,past is past. i am ready to forgive and forget. ah..time heals all wounds right???

so how is life up there?? ofo!!!no need to scroll down for my list, i haven't attached any, you can relax! though i would love to have that new blackberry phone that just hit the marke...ok ok..sorry.!!!

so you planning to visit me..er us this hols??? no,our chimney hasnt been fixed..and dad says its like that for a reason . and i pretty much think the reason is over weight, red and all white and puffy accompanied by reindeers...

so in case you are planning on visiting ..let me just warn you...if any of those of midgets have asked you for toy guns or anything resembling cylinders or stuff, just get them barbie dolls instead,okay?? people around here are too much in search for a scapegoat, as everyone needs to blame somebody for every bombings and....deaths. no ones doing anything, everyone in search for what went wrong, and to put out that wrong from ministry and replace them with more wrongs.

maveli had a close call...whew!! i mean afterall, he is from underground,you know. and moustache must have been against him,for all i know. he seemed suspicious even to me...thank god he was early this year..oh.wait.i didn't say that. next they will come up with a theory that all that was a goddamn conspiracy against mahabali...they can prove anything!!

you have a beard, you don't look indian, you come pretty much stuffed that doesn't say 'made in india', and "ho ho ho"s are pretty much the trademark of villains in indian comics..so be on guard okay?? can't lose you can we??however old i become, i do need my place in your lap when i desperately need something, and if that something is something next to a miracle!(i do have an inner child in me you know...:)
(DON'T SNORT!)

so this year,let it be flowers, barbie dolls,balloons, ponies,kittens,doggies, toblerone choclates,tetris games, latest yesudas music cds, the tales of someone and someone..er..ok, WE ALL PRETTY MUCH WANT THE SAME THINGS !!!

[gotta tell you, those tiny icky midgets ask for guns,he has that in store..no probing into how many windows they broke,how many they punched. i ask for one lil thing(send sis away to boarding school and get transfers for my maths and ss teachers, to alaska preferably),and BAM! he cuts me off from the list!]

okay,so you get the idea, travel light, be safe, control laughters, and all will be fine...

so, ahem,i gather you are pretty much free by mid jan right? well, you could then drop by my blog?? see, i would love to have people actually read my blog ..i even had to pay people money to just read it, and let me tell you, comments are way too overprized these days!!!!!uff!!!

pass the id to all those elf folk too okay, (take some time off finding who wasn't good throughout the year,and let those children throw snowballs in peace!)

ok then seeya ...hey HEY HEY!!!! you! yeah you, this is a private letter to santa! what are you sniggering at, YOU________,i do have an inner child in me......this is worse that reading someone's diary...OUTRAGEOUS!!!
btw,if you are still reading the letter,and is an earning member of the family or have more pocket money than you know what to do with,,scroll up and read my wish list..chimney is not fixed, but the front door will be open!



NOW STOP READING SOMEONE ELSE'S LETTER!!! GOSH!!

ask jeeves!!

once upon a time....er..not that long ago, but this story did take place at a time when i used to think hrithik was god. one cozy lil afternoon, me at my friend's place. we were all alone...er, i mean we were left to be alone to ourselves. ourselves includes yours truly,her friend, her lil cousins aged 6 and 2, and the friend's brother.

this was a frustrated bunch of teenagers and toddlers.me and my friend were unhappy to be stuck with the others, and the others were unhappy to be stuck with us. the most frustrated being the brother. he was supposed to be hanging out with his friends at the mall, and we infants gave him a choice of babysitting us,or taking us all along with him.

now a sis hu can empty his pockets faster than he can say "yeh ho nahin sakta", that sis' friend who can convince her into buying things she doesn't need, a boy aged six who researches on how to vanish, and a baby girl whose wails can make you wish you were dead....now i guess any decent guy would rather drop dead than find himself in public with the bunch,rt?

we were all sitting and sulking, the friend with the sudoku, the brother with the tv, the girl, thankfully silent and me..er,just sulking.

suddenly the question pops up...(no,unlike in teenage feel good movies, i didnt have a crush on the brother, and that sulky afternoon he did not ask me out or anything...duh uh..see,if you go on assuming things how can i continue?? )

"where do babies come from??" quizzer is the 6 year old...question goes to the brother..now now, i dont know what goes on inside that boy's head, i'd rather dont..but the fact remains the question was popped and needed to be answered..i just thank god, (also wonder y) he didnt ask us the question...

i looked at the brother expectantly..the sudoku lay neglected and the sudoker was looking at her bro expectantly. i sensed worldly wisdom was going to be imparted and took the baby in my lap,facing the bro.

"umm..err...mummy's tummies??"

"duh uh i knew that! how did they get there in the first place?"

" uhm..well" he looked at me,and i suddenly became interested in my nails. he shrugged and set out for the task.
" its actually simple kiddo! see, boy,girl. boy meets girl, girl hates boy at first sight, boy falls head over peels,i mean heels over her, saves her from the villain,she falls h.o.h over him too."

"and?"
"and they get trapped in a house all alone on a rainy stormy night, and...."

my friend:and?
me: and?
the boy:and?
the baby:wee hu ee??(means and)
the bro:"and somewhere far away in a botanical garden two roses,or lilies meet, and thus my dear, babies are born!!"

my friend:"pshaw!"
me:"pshaw!"
the baby:"yee hi!" (means pshaw!)
the boy:"huh?"thats it??"
the bro: "that pretty much covers the essential details..i did leave out some insignificant stuff..but yup,thats it. zirmple!!!"

wordly wisdom was imparted.the sudoker went back to sudoku.the baby wailed.i sulked. the two men in the house, however,for some reason looked pleased with themselves.

men!!!

notes to self

1. never wear a saree and try to jump three steps at a time, and if the urge to do so is unavoidable, try not to be wearing heels which gives the impression that you are standing on a table, and if the urge is so so strong, then DO NOT try it at your college where your enemies, and worse, your friends are watching the scenario. better not to wear a saree at all.
2. use the word "healthy" instead of "fat".always.(i knew this already from a blogger who posted it on his orkut profile, but, ariyatha pilla choriyumbole ariyu".)
3. chemistry lab is not a nice place to hang out.
4. college canteen can be injurious to health.
5. "this will only take a minute" will always and always take more than an hour.
6. when someone says "do not message me" and blocks you over orkut and ignores your 2987th message, fat chance it means "i love ya!"
7. issac newton was evil. and so is gravity.
8. ceasing to blog is not categorised as public service.
9. "this is going to hurt just a little bit" means it is going to hurt a lot more than that.
10. blogging while you have an exam tomorrow is not gonna make figures look good on your progress card.
11. Finally, the ultimate truth, the one thing i knew deep down inside my heart but choose to ignore, something that is a solution to all my problems and is staring right at me, is a fictional concept.

do not wonder.don't even ask. i learn things the hard way.